The One Where Umbridge Goes Nuclear
by DobbyRocksSocks
Summary: The destruction was devastating, widespread and somewhat unintentional. She hadn't known what she was playing with, and that was her downfall.


**Disclaimer - I own nothing you recognise.**

 _For The Quidditch League Fanfiction Competition_

 _Holyhead Harpies, Beater 1_

 **Mandatory** \- Write about a witch or wizard trying to combine magic and Muggle technology into one device.

 **Optional** \- Broken Torch / Batteries / "You say that again and I'll microwave your brain!"

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 _Inspired and Beta'd by my lovely Amber_

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 **The One Where Umbridge Goes Nuclear**

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 _The destruction was devastating, widespread, and somewhat unintentional._

People came from the surrounding towns to inspect the damaged land. Nobody was entirely sure what had happened, but upon arrival, it became clear that the hunt for survivors was unnecessary.

There would be nothing to find.

 _She hadn't known what she was playing with, and that was her downfall._

Dolores cast a quick glance over her surroundings, though she was confident enough in her cloaking charm that she didn't think she'd have to worry about being seen by anyone. She waited patiently at the entrance for one of the Muggles in long white coats to enter in through the locked door - she was reluctantly impressed that the door wouldn't budge no matter what unlocking spell she tried - and slipped in behind him.

She followed closely, not wanting to be trapped in a corridor, should any of the other doors prove to be as stubborn as the first.

The room they ended up in reminded her somewhat of a potions lab - without the cauldrons. She glanced around with interest. Muggles were filthy creatures, but she couldn't deny they were rather inventive. She couldn't imagine trying to live without magic.

That inventiveness was why she was here.

Dangerous as the Muggles undoubtedly were, she'd always known they had to have some vicious means of attack hidden away. With the latest Ministry mandate offering yet more freedom to the filthy half-breeds that blighted their world, she knew it was down to her to rid them all of the wretchedness of such beasts.

That, after many dead ends and much frustration, was what had led her here. She watched the man for a while. She knew what she was looking for, and the man was working painstakingly slowly on creating exactly the device that she needed.

She watched him connecting wires with a little metal squeezer-thing, his blue gloves bright under the overhead Lumos-holders. She thought the Muggles called them strip lights, but the little balls reminded her of instinctively of Lumos.

Time ticked by second by second, and she almost lost her patience. Only the promised end result kept her still. Finally, she watched the triumphant smile on the man's face as he leant back from the bench he'd been working at. He pulled out a little box - a cellular device known as a mobile, so her research said - and with a few clicks, the little screen lit up.

Dolores crept closer, noting the numbers on the screen.

 _30.00_

She was relatively sure that the thirty meant it had thirty minutes on it. Once the device was placed, she would merely have to click a button, and thirty minutes later, she could say goodbye to the devilish half-breeds that tormented her very existence.

Cancelling her cloaking spell, she slid her wand from her sleeve, aiming it at the man.

" _Avada Kedavra_."

She watched the light fade from his eyes dispassionately. She wasn't a murderer, not really; she didn't have the stomach for violence, but the man was in her way and she wasn't sure she'd be able to steal the device he'd been working on without alerting him.

She hadn't expected him to fall against the red button on the wall behind him. She certainly hadn't expected a blaring sound to begin, deafening her. Red lights flashed around her.

She thought briefly about disapparating away before she was discovered, but decided quickly that she'd come to far for that. Approaching the bench, she delicately picked up the device and the 'mobile' lying next to it, and placed them in a pre prepared box. It had cushioning charms all around it, and once she put the lid on, she was at least fairly confident that it wouldn't go off while on her person.

About to escape unscathed, she was blindsided by a man bursting through the doors and towards her, a portable light in one hand and what looked like a rounded, smooth tree branch in the other. He stared at her for a second, before his eyes fell to the dead man now on the floor.

He charged before she could raise her wand, and as she disapparated away, she felt him latch onto her.

 _Even the best plans could sometimes go awry, and he might as well make himself useful, she thought._

As soon as they landed, he fell away from her, scuttling back along the thickly carpeted floor of her home's hallway. She watched him move, amused despite herself as he stared at her with stark terror on his face.

His portable light was broken in his hand, and he seemed to have lost his smooth tree branch in the commotion.

"That was a rather stupid thing to do," she informed him sweetly, walking past him into the living room, pausing only for a moment as she cast a containment spell over the hallway. It wouldn't do for the man to escape after all.

She placed the box carefully on the table and took off her cloak. Before she could do anything else, she needed a bath - the Muggle stench was all over her.

 _She had no idea that within 24 hours her name would become infamous._

"Muggle. Come here," she demanded, later that night. She'd been looking at the device she'd stolen, and the 'mobile', but she had no idea how to 'arm' the damn thing. She'd thought it would be obvious, her research hadn't stretched into the very minute details.

She'd been sure that she was cleverer than any Muggle could claim to be.

She'd taken the time to imbue it with a few extras, dark magic that would surely make the explosion all the more destructive when it happened. She wanted people from miles around to hear it, to feel the ground shake under their feet.

While she knew she could never openly claim the credit for such a deed, lest the do-gooder's insist on her incarceration, she would revel in the praise heaped upon her by same-minded people. She would always know the truth, and she alone would be able to feel the power of the act.

That would be enough for her - if she could ever get the damn thing to work.

When she received no answer, she sighed impatiently, stalking to the hallway door.

"Hem, hem. Didn't you hear me? Come here!"

The man looked slightly confused as he stared at her. He'd propped himself up against the wall, his knees drawn up, his arms around them.

"Um… my name is Richard," he mumbled.

"You're a Muggle - I have no wish to become more intimately acquainted with you than that," she replied imperiously. "Now. Come here. I've need of your aid."

He hesitated for a moment, but then moved slowly, rising to his feet, edging slowly towards her. She led him into the living room, raising her eyes to the sky for a moment. Really, she'd done nothing to him - yet.

While it had been amusing, his fear was now hindering her plan and that made it unacceptable.

"How does this device work?" she asked, pointing to the table.

The man's eyes widened before he shook his head forcefully.

"I don't know," he almost shouted. "I'm just the security - I don't know anything about anything more complicated than batteries!"

Dolores frowned. "Batteries? No, never mind, I don't want to know. How does one 'arm' a device like this? And come to think of it, why is it called 'arm'? What has arms got to do with anything?"

Shaking her head, she added, "That was rhetorical. I don't actually care. Come, show me how this works. I'd hate for you to have to join your colleague… prematurely."

The Muggle backed away slowly, his eyes wide. "You're insane," he whispered.

"You say that again and I'll microwave your brain," she snapped. She was angry, but she took a moment to pat herself on the back for offering a threat that the idiot Muggle would understand. 'Microwave' was a weapon she'd come across in her research - it sounded rather delightfully vicious.

"Um… what?" he asked, frowning.

Dolores waved him off - if he couldn't understand a threat in his own language, she might as well as give up with him now. She looked at the mobile again, pressing a button at the bottom, her head tilting slightly as the screen lit up.

 _30:00_

She pressed it again, growling when the screen did nothing, darkening to nothingness once more. Lighting the screen once more, she picked the 'mobile' up, twisting it in her hands. She found a side button, and pressed it, smiling gleefully when it beeped twice, the numbers on the screen suddenly beginning a countdown.

"I didn't need your help!" she crowed to the Muggle, waving the 'mobile' in his face. As his face paled even further and the terror in his eyes multiplied in front of her, she frowned.

"It's thirty minutes," she informed him, rolling her eyes. "The device, bomb I think you people call it, will be far away from here when it goes off. Honestly, I'm not bloody stupid."

"Se - Seconds - Seconds, not minutes. Seconds!"

Taken aback by the scream, Dolores looked down at the screen of the 'mobile."

 _08:00_

 _07:00_

 _06:00_

She blinked once, then pulled her wand out, aiming it at the mobile.

"Immobulus! Stupefy! No! Glas -"

 _Dolores Umbridge was never found, but when news of her disappearance reached the Centaurs, the Forbidden Forest had never before known such a celebration._


End file.
